I haven't post in a while. Busy with life as usual. My wonderful friend took Kjari earlier this morning so I could get some much needed projects going. It was so nice to work for hours un interupted, music blairing of course!! I got so much done in what felt like so litte time. I am running to the school now for the afternoon. I am going to so miss the wonderful people like Amy. It takes time to develope these kinds of friendships and I am so sad to have to start all over again. I am so grateful for the gospel. I think about how many times we have moved, and how we feel at home right away in our new ward, surrounded by family. That is a wonderful feeling. I am not sure if I could have done all this moving with out that. But even with that it takes time.
I miss my hubby so much though, and it will be so worth it.
I am feeling reflective today. Maybe it is that I had two hours alone..... my mind could acutally think. It doesn't happen often enough. But I am truly grateful for all I have. I am grateful to be older today too. Odd that I would think that, but I really am starting to feel like, I am me. I think only time can help you really get to know yourself. For the first time I don't miss being younger, not really knowing what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. My life is perfect. I mean sure, I have MANY things I want to change, many things about my body, my home, my kids, my life even, but really it is what it is. It is exactly how I made it. And things will happen when I decide to make them happen, or they won't. I guess I have just grown over the years into me. I don't feel the need to apologize for things that other people really could care less about. I know I am imperfect, I know I have a million things I want to improve in my life, but I am no longer using others scales to figure out what. I know longer feel like I even have the power to really do that alone. I don't feel like I have to do anything for anyone else, so some how that makes me open to want to do everything I can FOR anyone else. Does that make sense?? I know I am rambling, but hey this is my random thoughts right?
I am going to quote a song, I love. It was a song from a play that our RS performed a year or so ago.
"Am I enough.... what do other see...
when they pass me by I wonder what they think...
If they knew... how I really felt inside,
oh I want to change the insecurities I hide...
simple and plain, nothing and beautiful and grand...
what could I be, if place in your hands.....
Could I be more.... Confident and happy
Could I be more.... SURE OF WHO I AM...
Will you polish and refine me, make me stronger then before,
thru you I hope to become more......
Thru You I will become............ MORE."
I am just so grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ, and feel like I need to say that to everyone. I know that He Lives and only thru him can I make it in this life so imperfect, and only thru him I can become more of what He and I want for me and my life. I hope that I can always remember that.
Wow, I need more moments alone.... :)
2 comments:
I love what you have to say about knowing who you are and accepting it and not worrying as much about what others think of you. (I know from your post that you don't care what I think per se, but I think you're AWESOME!!!)
PS- Hey, I'm more than happy to take Kjari every Friday for the whole school day so you can get more of those projects done. (Except the 24th... I'll be out of town that day.) And we'll be back next Tuesday so if you're back from your trip you can send the kids over to goof off while you work on stuff.
I love this! I am such a worrier and I think sometimes I expect too much from myself. I am always trying to please everyone (especially myself), and I am learning that's IMPOSSIBLE. Thanks for the thoughts that help me to screw my head on straighter. Hey, how'd such a youngster get so smart anyway? :O)
Martie
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